matt grant


On a couple of occasions recently I’ve had conversations about trying to change people. About seeing other people seemingly not live up to their potential. About ways of trying to alter their behaviour.

Unless people are really asking for it, unless it’s coming from them, I don’t think you can change anybody apart from yourself. I don’t think it’s even worth it to try.

I think all you can do is set an example.

I think all you can do is live a fulfilling life according to your values and let them live theirs. If they get curious, then maybe you can make some suggestions.

But you have to honest with yourself. Is this person really worth my time? Am I trying to change them becuase I want them to become a better person (according to my own definition of what a better person is) or do I truly just want them to be happy?

If it’s the latter, then you have to accept the way they behave as an example of their true preferences. Even if sometimes what they say to you might be completely different.

You also have to ask yourself, am I going to be happy just letting them behave that way? Or can you try and coomunicate your concern from a place which shows care for their well-being. It’s not just about them, it’s about you as well.

We only have so much capacity for things to concern ourselves with. We have to be selfish about the things we choose.

It’s difficult, but so important.